Date #7: Good Things Come To Those Who Go Out Late

In 2023, Ashley went on a new first date every week of the year until she fell in love. In 2025, she’s revisiting these weekly pieces on Deep Trouble to see how well this experiment really worked.

Originally published 2/9/2023, Updated on 2/10/2025

We have another Feeld date ,everyone! This is my 2nd Feeld date since starting this. This one was more the usual Feeld speed. Honestly, getting coffee with the first Feeld date might’ve been the first time I’ve ever done that with that app. Usually, Feeld dates want to meet up late at night.

Also, who can remember? I’ve been on Feeld since it was 3ndr. I have made some of my best friends and greatest enemies thanks to that app. For someone like me (polyamorous, bisexual, etc.1), Feeld dates are usually great! It’s the app I used to recommend most to people who want to try non-monogamy or something else less mainstream.

If you’re unfamiliar, Feeld started as an app for unicorn-hunting couples (3ndr). Then it evolved (and got sued into changing its name) into an an app for queers, open marriages, non-monogamous demisexuals, fetishists and just straight up kinky people who know how to communicate. And also a lot who do NOT know how to communicate (it’s still a dating app). At its core, though, it’s an app for people who do not need me to define what any of the above terms mean. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge…it requires so much Polyamory 101 moments. It can be tiring.

In 2024, Feeld rebranded again into the inclusive dating app for cool sexy city people. They make a magazine called AFM (A Fucking Magazine), with advice and essays. They throw Manhattan parties with Woody Allen in attendance. The user interface has been updated, causing constant bugs and issues. It’s not the app I recommend as much anymore because it’s been overrun with straight couples unicorn hunting and fuckboys. Of course, I could be biased.

Before this pivot, Feeld did local queer events in different cities (including comedy shows hosted by yours truly). It created a user base that felt organic and true to the local poly/kink scene. You’d see people at shows, then you’d see them on the app. Now, it feels like the app wants to attract people who are impressed by the big names they publish or invite to literary salons. There are fewer people from the actual scene and more people seeking experiences they’ve only read about.

It also isn’t as hard out here for us non-monogamous people or kinksters these days. My friends say Hinge and all the popular dating apps have added non-monogamy and kink options. You don’t have to feel like a little freak forced to use one app anymore.